Claire Fan - Week 1: The Death of Identity and the Paradox of Being: “I’m Not Like Other Girls”
René Descartes was a French philosopher who famously coined the term “ergo cogito sum”—more famously, “I think therefore I am.” This statement was self-explanatory; anyone capable of pondering their existence must, therefore, exist. But today, existing isn’t enough. A quick Google search tells me that there are an estimated 8.2 billion people in the year 2025. Too many to ever meet, too many to ever know. In the minds of people worldwide—and perhaps more so in the minds of teenage girls—there was only one question: How do I differentiate myself from everyone else?
At least in America, the answer came in the form of media. High School Musical was released in 2006. The first Twilight movie? 2008. The first The Hunger Games movie, 2012. What did all of these movies have in common? They all featured a particular kind of heroine. One that was unique. One that didn’t try. She was beautiful, but not in the “typical” makeup-wearing, pink clothing kind of way. She didn’t go out of her way to attract guys, but was still desirable. She wasn’t girly and actually liked reading books. (She didn’t like parties either. She’d rather just be at home, curling up with an underground author named Stephen King. Have you heard of him?) She just…wasn’t like other girls, or something?
The problem I (and others online) noticed after a while, was that in the attempt to separate herself from everyone else, the pick-me girl inadvertently ended up pushing aforementioned other girls down to seem like a better option to “pick.” After much ridicule and some reconciliation, pop culture (and teenage girls) seem to have returned to equilibrium; it’s okay to be part of the mainstream and it’s okay to deviate from it.
Ultimately, the problem isn’t teenage girls—dig deep enough, and you’ll find a primal, instinctual fear humanity hasn’t quite evolved out of yet. In the animal kingdom, a lack of distinction from one’s peers necessarily means death. In David Attenborough's documentary Our Planet that the superb bird-of-paradise (its actual name! Or greater lophorina, if you want to get semantic) has a mating ritual, which, as expected, is a dance: when a female arrives, he dances for her, using his pitch-black feathers accented with a brilliant shade of turquoise, puffing himself up in an attempt to advertise himself as a worthy mate. Should his courtship attempts fail, he will be unable to sire offspring and fulfill his biological purpose.
The essential motivator behind a “pick-me” is simple. Like the bird-of-paradise, she fears death. Socially, romantically—in every way that matters. The courtship ritual changes, but the motivation doesn’t. What I’ve found (in my extensive sixteen years of existence!) is that the best way to be different is to be yourself. We’re all going to die someday, which means that life is all the more important. Forgive a little hedonism every once in a while and draw in or out of the lines—as long as they’re your lines.
Hey Claire! I absolutely love your attitude in this blog, especially with all the side comments. It really doesn’t help that some of the most popular movies are for teenagers, thus serving as a role model for those teenage girls who often seek acknowledgement. Instead of the typical “trying to fit in with the pretty girls and realizing that it’s okay not to” storyline that preceded many of these new movies, the desire for companionship pipeline turned into that of “making myself unique so that people will find me interesting and relatable”. In a way, both reject typical feminine attributes, yet the latter ends up pushing for a “feminism is cringy” message rather than one of self-acceptance. This, in turn, pushes a greater division between activities that are typically seen as feminine and masculine; after all, boys want someone who can play basketball with them and not someone who spends all day putting make up on! Why spend so much time choosing an outfit; real girls know that reading books and “being educated” is the only way to succeed in life!
ReplyDeleteFrom what I’ve seen, most people use the term “pick-me” to refer to girls who seek male approval, so it was great to see how you recognized the social aspect of this. I can’t deny that having your existence appreciated by others feels pretty nice. Obviously, there is nothing wrong with not endorsing typically feminine traits, but putting down others for doing so is a bad show of character. If someone’s defense mechanism is “putting down others to make myself seem better”, maybe there are things that should be considered before trying to be the brightest star in the sky. Thank you Claire for this lovely blog!
Hi Claire! I wholeheartedly agree with your views on how America used media as a platform to illustrate what it means to be “unique,” especially in the context of female leads. When I was little, I practically grew up on Disney Channel, and I remember that it was almost like the writers of each show sat down and thought to themselves, “Hmm…how do we make this girl someone so incredibly different and desirable,”—but not in the typical way of being desirable. Yes, because God forbid she just be herself. Even though there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to read instead of going to parties or rejecting makeup in favor of other things, these writers made these qualities feel almost scripted, which takes away from the whole beauty of the character. Now while I still openly worship Disney Channel to this day, I do admit that it definitely set some unrealistic standards for young, impressionable girls who were susceptible to being influenced into thinking that they needed to “make themselves unique” instead of realizing that their very existence was unique—they didn’t have to try to be special because them being themselves already was the most special thing of all.
ReplyDeleteOn the topic of being yourself, I completely agree with your message: life is so short, so why would we waste it trying to live someone else’s life? One of my favorite elementary school teachers used to love telling us the phrase, “Be yourself, because everyone else is already taken.” At the time, little second-grade me knew my teacher was right to some extent, but I never truly internalized it until recently. I also love the connection to mating rituals and your explanation of how we are biologically primed to want to stand out; in a way, it kind of helps validate this feeling of wanting to be “special” that we all go through at some point, and I think it really helps to know why.
Hello Claire! I love how you used references to documentaries and nature! It really shows how even though modern society has slowly torn away from nature and our ancestors (technology!), the reasons behind our actions still root back to nature. Perhaps as a society we are too caught up in our flaws and strive to achieve unrealistic expectations of ourselves. I totally agree with you on the references! The films that we grew up with definitely had an underlying message, or in the very least they unintentionally embedded expectations for young girls to portray themselves like you mentioned. I also noticed that with the films you listed, they all had at least one romantic interest between the lead girl and a boy. Not only does young-audience targeted media embed an idea of "how to be unique", it can also force relationships onto kids at such a young age because they were exposed to media that normalized romance since adolescence.
ReplyDeleteEspecially in older films, women were portrayed in such a restricted manner that many critics started to challenge films by creating the Bechdel test. So in a way, these 2000s films are progressive because of the increasing portrayal of women, but I don't disagree that the relatively new ways women are being represented are accurate and quite frankly, any different. Thank you for sharing, Claire! I definitely agree that it's hard for girls to differentiate themselves especially because social media weighs down expectations on all of us, but I love the way how you supported being yourself in making you authentic!! I wish that young kids such as us in our generations and new generations to come would've gotten this advice, because it really does affect our identities and how confidently we express ourselves.
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ReplyDeleteHi Claire! I found your comparison between the "pick-me" mindset and the greater lophorina's courting rituals incredibly interesting. We spend so much time trying to be different and stand out from the crowd that we lose our reason for doing so along the way: the fear of death. I also loved how you framed this fear of death not as a thing to be scared of but as a reason to keep living. It's really quite admirable that you can drop the bomb of "We’re all going to die someday" in a positive light.
ReplyDeleteThe analogy of the superb bird-of-paradise's courtship rituals can also be extended to the reproductive strategies of so many other animal species. Although very different in nature, with some such as fights between male deer being a more "human" example than something like the zebra longwing butterfly's more... "unorthodox" methods, the end goal of each is simply to reproduce and pass one's genetics onto another generation while not dying. Despite our best efforts to be human and stray away from such "animal" behaviors, we are but animals—and I think that's weirdly beautiful.